


darkness everywhere, do you feel all alone?

by Luau



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M, vague kanehide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 20:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3623814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luau/pseuds/Luau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moments of silence pass, Hide sipping his coffee and making faces at the taste. Kaneki smiles, a light feeling bubbling inside of him. This was like before, the two of them together like this, at Anteiku. He only wishes it could last, that they could be in that room forever, with each other for company, safe, quiet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	darkness everywhere, do you feel all alone?

**Author's Note:**

> a ventfic i guess? i have so many emotions about the last episode, it made me cry a lot and so this. happened. it's kinda like, a fic about the last episode. it makes no sense and it's all over the place and i started crying again writing it because jesus, they deserved better. i hope you enjoy.
> 
> title taken from 'you are the moon' by the hush sound.

When he comes to, he doesn't realise there's someone else in the shop with him. He sits up, blinks, turns his head, but still doesn't realise. It's too dark. It's too quiet. What's going on outside? How did he end up back at Anteiku? It's cold.

 

Then the smell hits him; the stench of blood rolls over him, overpowers him, threatens to make him sick. He clasps his hands over his mouth and forces himself to calm down, his head between his knees. The smell lingers in his nostrils, and he reminds himself he's half-ghoul, it's not that bad, he can get over it. Get over it and get back outside. There's no time to waste in here.

 

He stands, closes his eyes. There's barely any noise coming in from outside the shop, and he gets more and more anxious. His body is tired and it aches, but he can't rest. His mind going a mile a minute, he almost misses the sound of water being poured, the clink of spoons against coffee cups. His head turns quickly, almost giving him whiplash, and he takes a step back. Eyes straining in the darkness, he can make out a figure pouring coffee into cups, and the aroma reaches his nose. He takes a deep breath in -- he can still smell blood, but it's not so unbearable now. It reminds him of when he first started working at Anteiku, and the memory brings the faintest of smiles to his lips. The smile drops quickly though, when the person, holding two hot cups of coffee, comes around the counter and walks into the little sliver of light coming in from the window.

 

"Yo, Kaneki," they say. He freezes.

 

* * *

 

Hide. It's Hide. Kaneki gasps and covers his left eye quickly, hiding his face. He misses the sad look on Hide's, doesn't see the sorrow in his eyes. He's terrified. He doesn't want his best friend, the person who knows him better than he knows himself, to hate him. He doesn't want to lose him, too.

 

"I knew."

 

Kaneki takes shaking breaths, ready to run. Until -- what? He knew? He looks up, disbelief written on his features.

 

"Yeah, I knew," Hide says with a sad smile. He walks to a table near the window, and Kaneki moves back towards the counter. He doesn't know why he's putting this distance between them. He hasn't seen Hide in months, he feels guilty that he hasn't told him anything. He feels guilty that he didn't trust Hide more. He can still hear blood dripping, can still smell it, and presses a hand to his side.

 

 _Strange,_ he thinks. _It should've healed by now_. He shrugs it off.

 

He watches Hide put the cups on the table, watches him sip from both of them. Hide apologises for how terrible it tastes, and Kaneki smiles, finding himself moving toward him. It's almost as if Hide is the sun -- warm, bright, constant -- and his gravity is pulling Kaneki in. He doesn't fight it. This, he knows. It's easy to get caught up in Hide, easy to lose yourself while listening to him. Kaneki is relieved to hear his laugh. He's relieved to hear his voice. He starts feeling a little warmer.

 

Hide starts talking about the time Nishiki nearly killed him. Kaneki remembers everything; the fear (of Hide finding him out) (for Hide's life) (of Nishiki); the frustration (of not being able to do anything) (of not being able to control himself); the guilt (when he saw Hide's injuries) (when he saw Nishiki's injuries) (when he looked at the blood on his hands) (when he told Mr. Yoshimura what happened) (of knowing Hide wouldn't have been in that mess if it wasn't for him); the relief (when Hide recovered and didn't show any signs of remembering what happened).

 

"Kaneki..."

 

Hearing his name brings him back to the present, to the Hide standing before him. The Hide who looks a little pale... But it must just be the lighting. He hears blood splatter against the floor again, and presses his hand against his side harder. His other hand is still hiding his ghoul eye, out of shame, out of habit.

 

"Thanks for going all-out, trying to save me back then."

 

The tears well up in his eyes but don't fall, and he slowly drops his hand from his face. Hide doesn't say anything about it, and Kaneki is grateful for that.

 

_Drip, drip, drip._

 

Moments of silence pass, Hide sipping his coffee and making faces at the taste. Kaneki smiles, a light feeling bubbling inside of him. This was like before, the two of them together like this, at Anteiku. He only wishes it could last, that they could be in that room forever, with each other for company, safe, quiet.

 

_Drip, drip, drip._

 

Hide says that he'd started feeling a little left out, when Kaneki started working at Anteiku. He says he had decided to do whatever he could. Kaneki is proud of him, proud to say that Nagachika Hideyoshi is his friend, but there's also a nagging guilty feeling tugging at him, saying ' _you should have been there for him, you should have let him in_ '.

 

 _I know_ , Kaneki tells himself.

 

He opens his mouth to reply to Hide, but his friend speaks again.

 

"Kaneki. Don't go taking all of this on yourself so much. That's something you've always done," he chides, his voice rising slightly. Kaneki thinks something sounds off, but he just can't place his finger on it. He smiles.

 

"Mhm," he replies. Hide sighs.

 

_Drip, drip._

 

"You know, Kaneki, you've gotten pretty famous," Hide says as he stands, his voice loud in the stillness of the shop. Louder than before. He covers his left eye.

 

"Eyepatch, they call you," he laughs. "You stylin' it up?"

 

Kaneki laughs, slowly at first, like he was afraid to. He lets go, and laughs, and it feels good. It feels great, until he hears Hide groan and stumble, and the disgusting sound of blood hitting the floor.

 

There's so much blood. It's not his.

 

Hide tries to stay upright, his breaths loud and rasping. He fails, dropping to his knees in the pool of red, his arms and legs shaking. He's in pain, Kaneki registers. He's hurt.

 

"Hide...?"

 

He sees it now; the gaping wound on Hide's side, the blood covering his CCG uniform, the sweat on his face. The puddle of blood, growing larger by the second. Hide's gasping, and Kaneki is standing still. This isn't happening. This is a dream. It has to be.

 

"I screwed up... just a little bit out there..." He tries to make it sound like nothing, and Kaneki kneels down in time to catch him as he falls forward. Stupid Hide, still trying to be strong when he's dying. Stupid Hide, for not saying something earlier. Stupid Kaneki, for not realising.

 

This isn't reality. 

 

"Hide," Kaneki starts, his eyes filling with tears again.

 

"Kaneki," Hide cuts him off, his bloody hands clutching Kaneki's shoulders tightly. He raises his  face, and up close, Kaneki can see how tired, how pale he looks. He smiles. "Let's go home."

 

"Let's go home," he repeats, his hands dropping, head falling onto Kaneki's lap. The tears begin to fall, as steady as the snow outside.

 

It's cold.

 

* * *

 

He doesn't remember how the fire started. He doesn't remember anything but pulling Hide onto his lap, stroking his hair away from his face, engraving him into his memory. He cries quietly, his tears dropping onto Hide's cheek as the flames roar around them. He cries for the loss of his sun, his other half. He can feel the warmth leaving him, starts to shiver even inside the burning building. Hide smiles as another tear hits his face.

 

"Let's go home, Hide," Kaneki whispers. "Let's go home."

 

* * *

 

He remembers picking up Hide's body, looking behind the counter for a cloth to cover it with. He refused to let go, even as he struggled to pull it over him properly. Somehow, he makes it out of Anteiku unscathed, and it's as he's walking down the street he remembers their coffee cups forgotten on the table. Oh, well. There's nothing to be done about that now.

 

It's cold.

 

He walks towards the CCG vans, Hide's corpse heavy in his arms, bodies littering the streets around him. It was hard to tell who won this fight, between the ghouls and the CCG. The snow is falling heavier now, and he's glad he put the cloth over Hide's body.

 

He passes people desperately trying to revive others, but pays them no mind. There are some that aren't even looking his way, too lost in their own grief. There are some that pull their weapons out when he passes, but he ignores them all. His gaze stays on the street in front of him, until a gust of wind blows the sheet away. He looks at Hide's face and feels empty, cold. He can't look for too long, not liking the sight. It wasn't natural.

 

It's really cold.

 

He hears the hushed whispers of CCG operatives as he walks, hears them pass along the word that a ghoul had a corpse with him, hears filthy things that aren't worth dwelling on.  

 

He walks for what feels like hours, eventually stopping in front of a man he'd heard rumours about. He slowly, carefully, places Hide's body on the ground and bends over it, pressing his cold lips to Hide's even colder forehead. As he stands, he meets Arima's gaze, almost as if saying, ' _Get on with it, already._ '

 

Arima activates his quinque, and Kaneki closes his eyes.

 

It's over.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> they honestly deserved better fight me on this  
> also it's 2am right now so please forgive any mistakes in this, i'll probably go back over it tomorrow  
> thank you for reading!


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